A Balanced, Sweeter Married Life through Being Part of the Energy Family

When I was 18 years old, a brand new journey unfolded before me when my family and I immigrated to Los Angeles.  Life was full of challenges during the early parts of this journey; we had to learn and adapt to a new environment, language and culture. There were also the hurdles of completing my education and career path planning in this new world where I strived to excel. 

But most of all, it was the course of fate that brought a young blue eyed, blond man and myself together and the opportunity for us to walk down the aisle together and commit to be each other's lifetime companion; a joyous event which has highlighted my life's voyage.

My husband Michael and I considered ourselves to be each other's soul mates prior getting married.   Therefore, we both cherish each other's existence very much and are committed to utilizing constructive communication to safeguard our relationship.  Even so, when two independent individuals, each having his/her own upbringings, personalities, philosophical values and cultural differences; make a commitment to form a family together a challenging test of any newly weds' EQ (Emotional Quotient) and challenge the ability of each partner to adapt to the obstacles of matrimonial life.  As a musician, I have sharp hearing and I've always been a light sleeper and during the first couple years of our marriage, I couldn't fall asleep unless the bedroom was in absolute silence.  In sharp contrast, my husband could easily fall asleep and often with it, an accompaniment of loud snoring, making it even more difficult for me to fall asleep.  Sometimes, I even found myself still awake and staring at the ceiling above our bed at 4 am.  Despite discussing this particular issue and several methods to improve my/our sleep quality, we were unable to find an effective and lasting solution.    Due to long term sleep deprivation and poor sleeping quality, I started having mild neurasthenia, and becoming emotionally unstable.  At times, I involuntarily burst into tears or lashed out in rage.  While consciously I knew that my husband did not have the intention of preventing me from sleeping by snoring loudly, my exhausted and imbalanced body and mind were just like a broken levee that couldn't hold up the pressure from the overpowering negative energy.

Fortunately, it didn't take us too long to find the "great new hope", a solution to resolve my sleeping disorder and our tense relationship.  Nurtured by Shifu Dr. Hong, Tao-Tze's tender loving care and teaching, I realized that the reason for my suffering and chronic insomnia was my lack of knowledge on how to effectively relax by properly releasing my accumulated stress from everyday living; resulting all of my positive energy draining out, leaving me both mentally and physically exhausted.  Through self-enlightenment and practicing Tai Ji Men qigong daily, my exhausted body and mind started to be filled with positive energy.  It became easier for me to calm my heart down; I have also gained better clarity in my thoughts.    As a light sleeper who frequently woke up in the middle of the night, I have been blessed with a drastic improvement, gaining a better quality of sleep with regained tranquility of mind; aided in part by the assistance of a trusty pair of ear plugs.  My improvement of achieving better sleep quality has also alleviated my husband from worrying about me.  He can now smile with more joyfulness!

My husband and I have been married for more than a decade.  Nevertheless, people often mistake us for newly weds.  When we were asked how we have prolonged the shelf-life and freshness of our marriage, my husband often says, "I make sure that I make my wife laugh hard at least 3 times a day!"  and I would also reply, "I have learned to not scrutinize his short comings with a magnifying glass."  In Tai Ji Men, our shifu constantly encourage us to have a brighter outlook on life and learn to appreciate others' good qualities.  When two people join together as a married couple, it is often the result of serendipity. Therefore, this precious spousal relationship needs to be cherished and safeguarded by both the husband and the wife (or domestic partners).  Under our shifu's guidance, my husband and I both practice qigong and take concrete actions on improving ourselves along with our fellow sisters and brothers in the loving Energy Family of Tai Ji Men. We are a family, and above all, we are each other's best friends!

Thank you, my dear husband. Because of you, my life's journey has become much livelier!  

Thank you, my dear Shifu. Because of you, our life has become much more balanced and sweeter!

by Susan Wang-Selfridge, Tai Ji Men Dizi